Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
