you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize