the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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