This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Jerry, you need to find god
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
