He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
