He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize