i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
