when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize