I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
