Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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