i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
