Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
