I'm pants shitting drunk right now
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
