It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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