Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
