is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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