he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
