Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
