if you like me you must not know who I am
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
