Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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