dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
