so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
