ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I currently don't understand fingers.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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