her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
