I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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