That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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