seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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