He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
