I puked a lego.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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