So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
