you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
