Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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