Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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