i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
