Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
