Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
