My room smells like vodka and shame
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
