I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
