Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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