she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
