3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
