based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
