He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
