mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize