I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
