How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
