yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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