She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you will always have a special place in my vag
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
