he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
