she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Is it because I queefed?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just invented taco cereal.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize