ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
