I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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