if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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