dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you had me at cake vodka
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My ass is underappreciated
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
