It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
