i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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