She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
