Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
