Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
