actually, I'm a sock model
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
