hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
