What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
