When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
