btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
