my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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