Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Can you bring me the toilet please
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
