I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
