If i come over, it means nothing
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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