Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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