Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
