So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
