My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just want to make out with him forever
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize