hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
