well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Randomize
