tell your sister to shave her snatch
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
