Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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