never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
