there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
