I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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