the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
