So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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