Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
