A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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