I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
