About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
