Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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