people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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