the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
