Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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