I heard we made out
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
