at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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