I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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