Umm I'm too high to move.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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