she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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