I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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