My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
