Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
They are going to name an STD after you.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
