Acid is not a monday night drug
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
