Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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