So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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