dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
