the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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