now i know why i became what i already was.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
high people should be assigned attendants
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
