..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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